Never follow the straight and narrow
Regret
Sarah Dunkin recently told me that I remind her of the character Dr. Tom on the show Being Erica. Seeing as Lombardi Street has turned me into an episodic junkie, I promptly went to Hulu and watched the first 14 episodes of the show. It's fine entertainment: the acting is solid, especially by network TV standards, the actors are all pleasant to watch, and the writing is more than passable. Something about it kept bothering me, though, and it wasn't until today that I figured out what.
For those who haven't seen Being Erica, all you really need to know is that it's a story about regret. Through some sort of magic or alternate universe that is never entirely explained, Erica, with the help of Dr. Tom, is able to travel back in time and "re-do" all of the moments in her life that she regrets. She's not allowed to fix anyone else's mistakes, but she is able to do what all of us wish we could do from time to time: revisit moments from our past with the added benefit of our knowledge and wisdom in the present.
It's certainly a worthy premise, and to the show's credit it avoids the overly simplistic conclusion, "I've fixed all of the mistakes in my past, and now my life is perfect." Rather, nothing in either the past or the present ever works out quite like Erica thinks it will, leaving her needing to search for the meaning in the experience. Nevertheless, she always learns what she needs to learn, and while the result may not turn out to be exactly what she had hoped for, the experience does ultimately improve her life in some meaningful and positive way.
And this (the fact that changing the past always improves her life) is what got me thinking and inspired me to write this. Because regret just doesn't work that way.
I, like most of us, have my share of regrets. I wish, for example, that I had finished my undergrad at NYU. I have no doubt that several things would have been easier for me if I had. However, it's not nearly as simple as that, because if I hadn't left NYU there are a whole host of other wonderful things that I wouldn't have experienced: I almost certainly wouldn't have met several of my closest friends, and I probably wouldn't have met my wife, just to name a few. That's the paradox: as much as I regret certain decisions, I wouldn't want to miss out on all of the wonderful experiences that I never would have had if I hadn't made those decisions.
So, why am I mentioning this here on Lombardi Street? Well, for one it just seems like an interesting discussion, and I'd love to hear what other people think about regret. However, I've also realized that there's a direct parallel to our show because all of our characters are dealing with past demons, and all of them either have or will make decisions that they regret. It's my hope that we can explore and deal with that regret in a truthful manner, one that shows, perhaps, that... well... maybe regret is unnecessary, since you can never have the good without the bad.
For those who haven't seen Being Erica, all you really need to know is that it's a story about regret. Through some sort of magic or alternate universe that is never entirely explained, Erica, with the help of Dr. Tom, is able to travel back in time and "re-do" all of the moments in her life that she regrets. She's not allowed to fix anyone else's mistakes, but she is able to do what all of us wish we could do from time to time: revisit moments from our past with the added benefit of our knowledge and wisdom in the present.
It's certainly a worthy premise, and to the show's credit it avoids the overly simplistic conclusion, "I've fixed all of the mistakes in my past, and now my life is perfect." Rather, nothing in either the past or the present ever works out quite like Erica thinks it will, leaving her needing to search for the meaning in the experience. Nevertheless, she always learns what she needs to learn, and while the result may not turn out to be exactly what she had hoped for, the experience does ultimately improve her life in some meaningful and positive way.
And this (the fact that changing the past always improves her life) is what got me thinking and inspired me to write this. Because regret just doesn't work that way.
I, like most of us, have my share of regrets. I wish, for example, that I had finished my undergrad at NYU. I have no doubt that several things would have been easier for me if I had. However, it's not nearly as simple as that, because if I hadn't left NYU there are a whole host of other wonderful things that I wouldn't have experienced: I almost certainly wouldn't have met several of my closest friends, and I probably wouldn't have met my wife, just to name a few. That's the paradox: as much as I regret certain decisions, I wouldn't want to miss out on all of the wonderful experiences that I never would have had if I hadn't made those decisions.
So, why am I mentioning this here on Lombardi Street? Well, for one it just seems like an interesting discussion, and I'd love to hear what other people think about regret. However, I've also realized that there's a direct parallel to our show because all of our characters are dealing with past demons, and all of them either have or will make decisions that they regret. It's my hope that we can explore and deal with that regret in a truthful manner, one that shows, perhaps, that... well... maybe regret is unnecessary, since you can never have the good without the bad.
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by Ethan Mawyer on
-
I think regret is mostly unnecessary. What seems on the surface to be a bad choice could end up leading to a lot of good, and possibly more good than if the "right" choice would have led to. The best personal example that I can think of is deciding to spend my entire Junior year abroad in Spain. If I hadn't gone, I would've been able to get a couple of my seminar requirements out of the way before my senior year and thus would probably have been able to finish on time and avoided a mountain of debt. On the other hand, my two semesters abroad and the one after I should've been done were probably the three most fun semesters that I ever had. I'm also sure that a lot of what I've written would never have been written if I had taken the straight and narrow path and done everything i could to graduate in exactly four years. Furthermore, I really needed a break from demanding college classes when I went to Spain, and I might have broken down if I hadn't gotten the break that Spain gave me. There is no way of knowing whether I'd be better or worse off if I had spent less time abroad. All I know is my life would be different, and I shouldn't regret the choice I made.
I think when regret is more justified when the bad is really, really bad. Like when a decision clearly led to a terrible injury, a devastating addiction, and/or a serious crime. Choosing a predictable and boring path instead of one that is riskier but much more potentially rewarding can also be regrettable.
-
Permalink Reply by Kevin Allen Jackson on -
I absolutely agree with your last paragraph, and considered mentioning this in my original post. Sure, if you have absolutely no happiness in your life, because of the choices that you've made, then regret is completely justified. I guess my original point was that this isn't usually the case. Most decisions lead to both good and bad consequences.
I think the same logic even applies to decisions that lead to terrible injuries or serious crimes. If you're a sane person, and you make a tragically bad decision that leads to injury, death or crime, you really only have one choice -- struggle to find some good in the experience, because the only other option is to stay stuck in the past and paralyzed by your regret. Surely, even in these cases, there is something positive that will have happened in your life that otherwise wouldn't have (a spiritual rebirth, a greater sense of self-awareness, the reestablishment of an important relationship, etc.).
Of course, if you're not sane, then your poor decisions probably don't lead to feelings of regret or remorse at all, so that's something altogether different.
-
-
It sounds like your second paragraph is more about dealing with regrets than having them. Let's say a reasonably sane person lost his job because his performance wasn't quite up to par and he would've been evicted (with nowhere to go but the streets) if he couldn't come up with rent by the end of the month. Instead of trying to get the money legally by hardly sleeping at all and taking whatever menial odd job he can get, he holds up a convenience store with an unloaded gun and spends a few years in jail because of that. When he gets out, he could wish he never committed the robbery and feel occasional pangs of guilt about it, with these negative feelings providing motivation for him to work hard enough (and save enough money) that he never again finds himself in such a desperate situation. He could also beat himself up over his mistakes constantly and never set foot in another convenience store again, which is not healthy at all. Both are regrets over the same thing, but one type seems a lot better to have than the other.
-
Permalink Reply by Shaun Gerardo on -
Why dwell? That is my question. I don't really think about not finishing college because it wasn't for me. I self educated myself, and I was fortunate enough to have brave and meticulous mentors/teachers in my personal life that helped me a great amount. Plus I wouldn't have made some of that extra cash and maintained those credits. On the contrary, I'd have some loans to pay off.
The past is the past. Reflecting is good, but there is no time like the present.
-
Permalink Reply by Patrick Mackie on
-
Everyone in life has to learn to forget their mistakes but should NEVER forget what certain mistakes taught them. Not even a heroine addict should live in regret cause that will only attract even more negativity to his life. Of course we all have made bad decisions but it's never as if we are completely doomed to being miserable for all eternity. No matter what the case we all have the capacity to alter our circumstances regardless of how difficult it may be or how long it may take. Mistakes are a lesson in learning. If you view them as negative your mind will have a much harder time letting it go.
-
Permalink Reply by JT Smash on -
I regret I procrastinate. This is some painful stuff it hurts like hell. I's a dam disease . What is the cure. I got more ,but one cannot dwell on them it. So I am moving on. Is moving on, part of the cure of a regret.
-
Permalink Reply by Sarah Dunkin on -
First of all, that show is amazing! I found the second season on another site which was delightful. I really hope the CBC continues with a third season (Fingers crossed!)- especially because I can't handle another cancellation after Trauma... so sad :(
My regret... well, I could say that I regret not leaving right out of high school and heading for California despite my fears etc. but then that would leave me with a whole host of experiences and people I would have missed out on. I suppose, I regret having taken 7 years to finish my bachelors, but if I hadn't spent three years on pursuing a Performing Arts degree I might never have attempted pursuing acting or gained any acting experience at all.
So, I suppose we all must follow our path and no matter where that leads us, we should always take from it all we can.
Never Follow the Straight and Narrow, right??
-
Permalink Reply by Regan Gillam on -
I think regret has its purpose...for me at least...sometimes it is the regret that reminds me to not make the same mistake again..as long as the regret doesn't consume me in an unhealthy way.. and about changing the past... i would never change the past because it has gotten me to where i am now..and also think that every decision big or small has an chain like reaction.. sooo it is impossible to truly know how many things of the present would be changed by the changing of even the simplest of decisions in the past...
-
Permalink Reply by Jennifer Girardi on -
Oh Lordy Mc Lord Lord. I know regret well. For a while I lived in a really sad place sort of swimming in my past mistakes... dealing mostly with wasted time..and wasting even more time treading water in the sea of sorrow. aha.
I feel though that until you really learn a lesson inside and out, you are unable to truly move forward. You have to understand what was at the heart of the choices that were made.
I will say that the struggles I have encountered with making bad choices have made me stonger, and given me a lot to draw from in my art.. music, dancing and acting..finger painting, interpretive dancing in parks and restrooms.
There are parts of my life you couldn't pay me enough to re-live, but at the same time I am grateful to have had my eyes opened.
-
Permalink Reply by David M. Mills on -
Regret can be useful if you learn from it. I guess I regret not learning earlier in life to control my temper. I finally realized not that long ago that you do have control of your emotions. No one else makes you mad. You make yourself mad. No one else stresses you out. You stress yourself out. You don't have complete control over what happens to you, but you do have 100 percent control over how you react to it. Now... I hope I don't regret posting this. :)
About
Status Updates
Groups
-
Your Story
43 members
-
Character Consultant Ini…
72 members
-
Shaun Gerardo's Nationwi…
37 members
-
Walking the Road
31 members
-
San Francisco, CA
58 members
© 2010 Created by Antony on Ning. Create a Ning Network!
